Where is My Mind?
by Schizo zee Techie
Summary: The human mind is fragile and sometimes we forget just how easy it can break. Even the strongest of minds can snap and Alexander is about to find that out the hard way when he must the demons that lurk within the darkest parts of his own.


**Note from Zee Techie:** This might be a bit depressing…but I tried so hard not to make it that way. I listened to this song and I pretty much lost myself and typed away. May or may not post this to deviantArt.

***shoots the disclaimer*** I'm tired of saying it every time.

…

The human mind is a fragile instrument.

And Alexander Gromov sometimes forgot about that. As he sat at his desk in the building of the Good Directorate, fondly called the G-Cube, he stared blankly at the computer before him. He had been handed a new assignment. One that could potentially take years to finish rather than the days he was used to.

"_Make a machine, Gromov. Perhaps one that allows humans to connect to the internet even in their sleep. It keeps track of spending, even on the most basic of human necessities. I don't care how you do it, just get it done!"_

That's what his boss had told him before dumping a folder on his desk. He had stared at it but didn't dare touch it. He hadn't touched anything since he arrived. When he first got up he debated on even coming into work today. It just wasn't…

"Are you alive in there, Alex?" Tired copper eyes looked up and stared into the bright blue eyes of his best friend, Charles Snippy. They were filled with concern, "You look tired, man. Get enough sleep?"

Alexander said nothing as he pointed to the computer. Charles walked around the desk and stared, "What am I…oh. Alex…"

"It's fine…I almost forgot too." Charles looked at the Russian sadly and touched his shoulder.

"Why don't we go get some breakfast? There should still be some food up in the conference room. I promise it won't kill you." Charles said with a slight smile.

The Head Engineer nodded and rose to his feet. As he walked for the door nausea swept over him and everything started getting a bit blurry. As he tried to steady himself, he started hearing things and he felt hot. He heard Charles' voice but nothing he said came in clearly.

"Alex…okay? Alex…with me…! …PARAMEDIC!"

Everything went dark after that

…

_He didn't know where he was but it was very dark and very quiet. He was sitting with his hands in his lap, staring into nothing. It was starting to get awfully cold in here, wherever here was. Suddenly he felt warmth wrap around him. It was a winter jacket and when he pulled the hood it was lined with faux fur, soft to the touch. _

**"Hello, Alexander."** _The feminine voice made him jump. But when he tried to find the source, he found nothing._

_ "H-hello?" He responded._

**"Why are you so sad, Alexander?"**_ He didn't know what to say. He was talking to a voice that was probably just an illusion in his mind._

_ "I'm just…a bit upset right now."He said, "But…who are you?" _

"**I'm whoever you want me to be. You have me in the back of your mind and in your hands but you've yet to give me a name or an image. I'm the project that has been assigned to you by your bosses."**_ Alex couldn't believe it. Even in his sleep he couldn't get away from them, _**"But don't worry…I'm not here to haunt you about getting me finished. I'm here to help you get me started. But first…we have a few things to clear away."**

_ "Like what?" Alexander asked._

** "Alex, right now you're in a dead sleep because you're overwhelmed." **_The voice started,___**"There's so much going on in your life that it's becoming difficult for you to function properly."**

_Suddenly hologram screens appeared before him. Each one was more different than the last for each one had pictures from various points in his life. He looked over them all but suddenly they were gone from his sight, "Wait, I was…"_

** "We're here to focus on one thing at a time, Alex."**_ The voice said softly, _**"You need to focus on one thing…get it straightened out so you can focus on what truly matters."**

_ Alexander nodded his head and the hologram screens appeared again, "Do I just…pick one?"_

** "Go ahead, pick one. These are your memories…"**_ The voice said. He rose to his feet and scanned each memory quickly, before reaching out and touching one. It looked oddly familiar, _**"This was a major point in your life. When you first moved from your home in Russia to this city…correct?"**

_ "Yeah…I remember, I think I was about seven. My father got a job offer, paid more. My mother all but begged him to do it but we had no choice. We kind of needed the money since the job my father worked at wasn't paying him enough…and they kept making cuts." Alexander whispered, "I was scared…and I would miss all my friends, my family."_

** "But did you not make new friends when you came here?"** _The voice asked._

_ "No, everyone avoided me at first…" Alexander explained, "I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life. But my mother told me it takes time…and the right person."_

**"Did that make you feel better?" **_The voice asked._

_ "It made me patient…" He whispered and suddenly the image vanished, "Where did it go?"_

**"You've come to terms with what happened during that point in your life. Your fear of being alone was put out by the patience your mother taught you."**_The voice explained._

_ "Alright…let's go with this one." Alexander said as he touched another memory. It shimmered from view and suddenly the darkness shifted. A park appeared. It was filled with giggling children, running around and having fun, "I remember this place…"_

** "You should. You used to come here with your mother after school."**_ The voice said, _**"There you are, on the swings…by yourself."**

_ "As usual." Alexander said with a slight chuckle, "I always awkward…even when people started to talk to me."_

** "But someone managed to get past your socially awkward behaviors, correct?" **_The voice asked. Alexander smiled as the younger version of himself perked up a bit. A boy about his age broke away from his mother who sat down next to Alex's mother. The little boy had neatly cut brown hair and these bright blue eyes, a grin on his face. _

_ "Yeah…Charles somehow broke past my walls and awkward accent. I don't even think he cared when I started speaking Russian around him when I got over emotional."Alexander said as he watched his younger self and a younger Charles play together. Suddenly the memory vanished, "And what was that?"_

**"That was your loneliness being outweighed by the friend you made in Charles Snippy."**_ The voice said, _**"He broke past the barriers everyone was afraid of and became your first friend."**

_ "More like my only." Alexander said with a laugh, "Charles and I became the outcasts of our school together."_

_The laugh died as he touched another memory._

**"This was a vital point in your life, Alexander. Are you sure you want to touch upon it now?"**_ The voice sounded almost nervous._

_ "I'm sure…" He whispered, "This…this memory is the one that haunts me most."_

** "Why shouldn't it? You lost someone important…"**_ The voice said, _**"Do you want to talk about it?"**

_ Alexander nodded, "I can remember everything that happened that day. No matter how long ago it was. After my tenth birthday my mother told me she was pregnant, five months in to be exact. I was so young…and I noticed she was getting bigger, but I thought she was just getting fat."_

_He laughed a little and shook his head._

_ "She told me it would be a girl. That I was going to have a little sister." Alexander said as he closed his eyes, "I got so excited, I think was happier than my parents. I was going to have a little sister to protect and play with. Every time my parents went to the store I'd wander around, looking for toys…clothes…anything. And I remember my mother laughing at me, telling me I'd be a great brother."_

_He could feel the burning sensation at the back of his mind._

**"We don't have to continue, Alexander."**_ The voice said._

_ "I…I'd lie in bed with my mom every night and talk to her stomach." His voice faltered, "I'd tell the baby stories…tell her that we'd have so much fun together. That'd I always be there for her. And as the months passed she'd respond to my voice by kicking. My mother told me that she knew it was her big brother talking to her…I was happy."_

_He could feel the tears beginning to build up._

_ "And then she was born…on the day that we moved here." Alex laughed, "My mother said it was a sign that this was all meant to be. The little girl…she actually stared at me. I spoke to her and pet her hand. She actually gripped my finger…like she knew it was me. And I was happy when my mother asked me what I wanted to call her. I told her flat out…Anya."_

** "Why Anya?"**

_ "I liked the name, sometimes I picked on her and called her Annie."Alexander said with a smile, "I helped my mother take care of her when I wasn't in school and sometimes I'd invite Charles over to help me watch her. She'd giggle as she tried to chase after us, even before she could crawl. But she learned quickly…"_

_Something shimmered into view._

_ A little girl about the age of three was running around. Her light brown hair flowing behind her, copper eyes bright in the light. She chased after her big brother and Charles, both boys running ahead of her but not too fast. Finally she caught up to Alex and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly._

_ Those copper eyes looked up at him, "Love Alex!"_

_ Alexander smiled as the tears slipped, "I love you too…"_

**"Do you remember what happened to her?"**

_ "Every day of my miserable life…" He whispered, "I asked my mom if I could take her outside and she said as long as I watched her closely. So we went outside and started playing. She wanted to play hide and seek…so we did. She begged me to count first…so I closed my eyes and started counting."_

_He buried his face in his hands._

_ "Before I even got to ten…I heard a scream and screeching." He choked out, "My eyes snapped open and I saw her…lying there. I was stuck to the ground…I….I couldn't move. I couldn't even breathe or blink. It all happened so fast…and…my mother came running out. She screamed and frantically called out to her…but there was no response. Medics were called…police were called…I got questioned, but words seemed to escape me. After a few days, I finally broke. I cried…until my throat was raw…until I had nothing left in me."_

**"Alex…"**

_ "I broke my own promise…" He whispered, "I couldn't protect her! I might as well have been the one to kill her!"_

**"But you weren't grieving alone…"**

_The voice was right, he wasn't alone._

_ "Charles was there for me…every step of the way. He even went with me to the funeral, which was more than I could ever ask for." Alexander whispered, "He made things…bearable."_

_The memories vanished, leaving him in the dark._

_ "What's going on?" He asked as he rose to his feet._

**"Alexander…you need to accept that she's not gone forever and that you'll always have someone to rely on. No matter how dark or cold it may seem."**_Alexander became very confused._

_ "Wait…what are you talking about?" There was a light piercing through the darkness, "I'm not done yet! What's happening?"_

…

Alexander's eyes snapped open as his body jerked forward. A doctor and Charles fought to keep him down. The blue eyed man spoke, "Relax Alex! It's alright! You just had a nasty concussion is all…though you've been asleep for the past two days."

Two days?

"I was…two days?" He choked out, "I…it felt like…hours."

"Well, Mr. Gromov we just need to run a few tests before we release you." The doctor said. Copper and blue connected.

"You were dreaming about her…you kept saying her name." Charles whispered. Alex knew exactly who he was talking about, "…I'm sorry."

"It's…it's not your fault." He started, "Or mine…there wasn't anything anyone could do…"

He felt arms wrap around his shoulders in a tight hug.

…

It was a week before he went back to work.

When he walked through those doors he instantly went to his office, ignoring everyone around him. The doors were sealed shut and he sat at his desk, silent. He noticed something out of the corner of his eye and when he turned his head, he saw it was a picture frame. Reaching over, he grabbed it and looked it over. It was of him and Charles, standing between them was his little sister; his little Anya.

A small smile came to his face.

He set it down and pulled out a piece of paper, grabbing a pencil he started to draw. The Good Directorate wanted a machine, they'd get their machine.

He'd create a machine that met his expectations, not theirs.

…

It took a little over three years but it was finished.

Alexander ran his fingers over the white shell of the machine, his machine. It was cool to the touch but that was because it had yet to be activated. He couldn't wait to the AI integrated in but he had to wait for the CEO and executives to get here.

"You're going to make everyone so proud." He whispered as he kissed one of the white hands of the machine. He heard the hiss of the sealed doors opening and turned.

"Gromov, I see you've made the machine! But why isn't it working on maintaining my city?" The CEO asked as he walked over.

"Just need to add the final piece." Alexander responded as he pulled a chip out of his pocket. He opened a hatch on the main body of the machine and slipped it in. Typing in a quick code and closing the hatch, the blue LED lights lit up. There was a strange noise and suddenly the machine hoisted itself up from its limp position. Three LED blue eyes turned and stared at them.

**"Good morning, Alexander. Good morning, sir."** It said. The voice was feminine just like the one from when he was a comatose state.

"Sir…I'd like you to meet ANNET." Alex said with a smile, "But I like to call her Annie."

…

**End Note from Zee Techie:** *head-desking to the extreme* Yeah…there's blood everywhere now! I cried so much and now I don't even know if any of this makes sense because of damned emotions! DAMN YOU, GROMOV! WHY DO YOU MAKE ME WRITE YOU A SAD STORY? *goes back to head-desking*


End file.
